It has been a while since I’ve allowed myself time to sit down and gather my thoughts to write. There is something about this turning from Summer to Fall and now heading into Winter that seems to discombobulate me a bit – especially when I am mindfully observing it all – and my seasonal turn inward this year has been especially tangled. I am not sure why this is. A bit sluggish in the body, increased emotional reactivity, an amplified desire to flee back to my warmer and greatly missed home state, California…twists and turns and inner-conflicting directions to consider and, and…well, just a bit tangled up lately.
Yet, while sitting in meditation this morning I became aware of a growing curiosity about this state. Allowing it to amplify, I was surprised to find a memory of a photo I had taken a while back of a beautiful natural sculpture from a massive tree root. Tangled, intricate, beautiful…
I recall that when I came upon this beautiful piece of art, I silently studied it for quite a long time, taking in each detail and watching the changing shadows as the sun rose higher by each moment. I felt grateful for this beautiful tangle before me; something that in the literal context of trying to dig these roots from a yard, would be a disagreeable nuisance.
I realized this morning that I had been experiencing my tangled seasonal shift as a parallel disagreeable nuisance. Then I saw that wishing my uncomfortable “nuisance” experience away would be akin to taking a chainsaw to this beautiful piece of art.
Now, as I am writing and reflecting on this morning’s realization, I feel a sense of ease with my inner tangles. Perhaps even they are a thing of beauty. I will step back and study them, remembering to appreciate their shadows in the sun.